After finishing my first review and rating it I realised that you need to know what these ratings mean so I've written this to show the values that a movie can get (I'm on the ever so complex A-F scale) and why they are deserving of that particular score. Movies Key first and to jump to the Trailers Key click
The Movie Key
A+ : The holy grail of movies, the Mecca, the Walling Wall. It is your duty to mankind, nay the celestial entities of the universe to stop what you are doing and high tail it to the nearest TV, cinema, DVD shop get that sonofabitch and watch like you have never watched before. It's quite feasible (and recommended) to watch this for 24 hours on loop and still come out wanting to watch it again the next day.
A/- : This is what watching movies is all about. You have found a fantastic movie and it ticks every box. This is one for the personal collection and if you can find it in Blu-ray then your going to have to think long and hard for a good reason not to buy it straight away. You never know if you watch it enough times it might just well scrape its way into the top category and if it doesn't no bother because this will last through the ages and please generation after generation for years to come.
B+/- : At the higher end of the scale it's a real gem in the making this one. It will be a DVD purchase if ever you saw one. Most of the movie is great but there is still something not quite right and you can't put your finger on exactly what that is. You will be able to watch this again and again but there will come a time where it runs its course and begins to gather dust. At the lower end of the scale you have a movie that does what it says on the box. You asked for an action adventure and by Jove that's what has been delivered. Granted you saw that twist coming and you were pretty sure who the bad guy was but it merits a second viewing either because you enjoyed it or there was enough to it that you might have missed a couple of things the first time around. Not necessarily a must buy and if you do end up getting this, it will have a little red 50% discount sticker attached.
C+/- : Now we start our descent into the dregs of the movie world and enter the meh zone. This kind of movie didn't really do anything for you but neither did it disgust you so much that you had to turn it off or amuse yourself. At the higher end you realised that some time needed to be spent doing something and that this movie has fulfilled this purpose. At the lower end you can accept the movies existence and move on knowing that you have seen it but some part of you deep down is glad you will never have to watch it again. If you were watching TV and it suddenly came on you would watch it again, provided that the remote could not be found or was too far away to warrant its retrieval.
D+/- : Two words- piss poor. If this was a comedy my mouth might have involuntarily twitched with laughter, if this was a horror I may have blinked in terror, if this was any other type of movie my best course of action would be to fall asleep as at least then I could dream up something interesting to keep me occupied until the movie finishes. Switch off, zone out but for pity's sake don't watch the movie!! The only reason for watching this movie is if you have managed to turn it into a good drinking game as you can't seem to find a pack of cards.
F : O dear, o dear o dear!!! Here are some of the things I would rather be doing than watching this movie- nailing my bollocks to a moving train, receiving a prostate exam from Abu Hamza, playing dodgeball with a shotput, dropping soap in a prison shower, bungee jumping off a 50 metre bridge with a 100 metre rope. I could go on... and I will- bungee jumping off a 50 metre bridge with a 45 metre rope that's not elasticated, going door to door in Iraq trying to sell the newly written book “Muhammed: the bisexual Terrorist”, dissing Chuck Norris' mother. Savvy?
The Trailer Key
A : I'm there on opening night, preferably at the front of the queue!
B : A good way to spend a couple of hours- I'm going.
C : If someone asks me along, I'll probably say yes; if no one does, I'm not that bothered.
D : Not my cup of tea. Maybe dragged along to one of these once a year.
F : Only way I'm going to see this is in a body bag.
