The first Final Destination (the one with the plane) was a very original piece of work that had most of us enjoying some horror and gore in a novel and new way. By the time the second came out (the motorway pile up) in 2003 it could still be classed as a popcorn movie but they really raised the ingenuity of the death scenes making it a reasonable way to waste an hour and a half. By number 3 (roller coaster) and 4 (Nascar) I didn't see the point in them anymore as you had to sit through an identical plot for 5/6/7 death scenes that, if truth be told, were not great. So when I heard the announcement of a fifth, I really didn't get it. Perhaps they are jumping on the 3D bandwagon like everyone else?
As expected it duly delivered not a lot in the way of entertainment. In Final Destination 5, a group of co-workers set off for a weekend of team building exercises. However on the way to their destination, a bridge that they are crossing collapses and kills all of them. Unbeknownst to the audience this was just a premonition of the event (ironically I never saw it coming...) and after a commotion Sam (Nicholas D'Agosto) manages to convince some of his fellow employees to get off of the bus. The bridge then collapses and their lives are saved. Over the next few days though the survivors start to die in strange circumstances as Death tries to restore order to the world.
Stake Land is set in a post apocalyptic world where a vampire epidemic has spread over the whole country leaving only small pockets of people left to fend for themselves. One such group consists of Martin (Connor Paolo), just an ordinary kid before the vampires, and Mister (Nick Damici), a vampire hunter, as they travel north through infected America to the promised land of Canada where rumours are of a safe zone called New Eden. As Martin and Mister travel, they run into new people and communities both good and bad who each have their own unique ways of coping with the disaster.
For a film with the title Stake Land you might think you know what you are letting yourself in for but the enemies are rather ambiguous and are what I would call the offspring of a vampire (only come out at night, need to be staked etc) and a zombie (brain dead drones, don't get bit or you will turn etc). Whatever they might be though, they still do their job of looking evil and warrant a wide berth if survival is the aim of the game.
WOW. Where to begin with this one. This is without a doubt the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life bar none and I've seen a lot of crap. Let me just set the scene before I even move onto the, ahem, 'plot'. This review has spoilers in it but unlike most films, knowing what happens won't affect your enjoyment of it.
Troll 2 ahh the sequel to Troll 1 I hear you say? Nope, of course not. The distributors, concerned with the ability for the success of the film (and rightly so) renamed it to try and link it to a successful film, Troll, released 4 years prior. Along with that the artwork cover above was designed by someone who had seen neither of the films and as a result everything see on it has absolutely no relation to anything that happens... I mean he's drawn a werewolf for Christ's sake and that's not even the same kid.
Troll 2 was the brainchild of Claudio Fragasso who co-wrote it with his wife both of whom were native Italians not well versed in the language of English. In fact they spoke no English, hired an Italian film crew to do their bidding and to save from any confusion brought in American actors. A cunning plan if I do say so myself! Despite all this though the film was somehow shot and completed successfully so onto the 'plot'.
Troll 2 of course revolves around the mystical creatures known as trolls. Well... actually no, no it doesn't. Throughout the whole 90 minutes the word troll is mentioned a grand total of zero times. The film Troll 2 is actually about goblins. Whilst on a house swapping holiday in the small village of Nilbog (a gold star for anyone who can spot why it's called this) a family- mum, Diana; dad, Michael; sister, Holly; Joshua; and the vision of Joshua's dead grandfather Grandpa Seth discovers the village is inhabited by goblins that plan to eat them. They are of course vegetarian goblin's though and so first need to turn them into vegetable people by feeding them poisoned food. You couldn't come up with this even if you tried and yet somehow Fragasso has managed it. To add to the fun, Holly's boyfriend Elliot tags along in his campervan with his three friends Arnold, Drew and Brent.
This poisoned food is worryingly green and looks like it's come out of a cows rear end, so of course the family gather round the table to eat it. But Joshua's Grandpa's ghost appears from nowhere to save the day by warning him that the food is bad as it's been made by the evil Goblins. So how does our Josh save the day? The only way he knows how, he gets up onto the table and pisses all over the food of course prompting one fantastic line from the dad.
The special effect is stunning and ranges from a lightning bolt effect to a lightning bolt effect and the goblins are terrifying showing off what must have at the time been the cutting edge in how to make costumes from things found in a dumpster and potato sacks. The music sets the scenes and is composed entirely from a keyboard synthesiser probably with a couple of keys missing. O and before I forget, the acting is appallingly atrocious.
The weirdest thing about this film is the continual ream of continuity fails and unexplained scenarios. For example, we see Nilbog milk but never find out why it's there, no one in the town drinks it, surely it would go off? We never learn about grandpa Seth's special powers- why is he helpless to stop the family from eating the food but can hack a goblin's hand off with an axe through a mirror or create a Molotov cocktail out of nothing to fling at the nearby Nilbog residents. (No I'm not making this up!) Why does the mum have such freaky bug-like eyes? What was the purpose of turning Arnold into a tree instead of just eating him? What is up with that random girl running through the forest? Why is Arnold unfazed when he first sees the goblins? Who the hell is Creedence? What happens to her face at the end of the movie and has she never heard of chapstick? How do 'the powers of goodness' eliminate the goblins?
The general store scene:
Best actor of all time (This is Arnold)!
Now I've only scratched the surface of this film with so much more to see including the best weapon ever used in the history of film. You will have to watch it to find out what it is but I'll give you a clue- it comes in paper bag and shares it's name with an Italian city and a former English Lord.
The scariest part of this movie is when you realise that not only is it hilarious to watch but it's addictive and at some point in the future you are going to put yourself through the ordeal that is Troll 2 again! I'm proud to announce that I survived Troll 2, even if a bit of me and my brain died with it.
Phew long post today but there was just so much to talk about!. Next up I review 13 Assassins [my review], a Japanese samurai assassin action movie. Check out the trailer below.
Farm
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A bit of a breath of fresh air is this in a low budget and yet well produced comedy horror that gives Død Snø and the likes a run for their money. Tucker & Dale Vs Evil follows two redneck hillbillies- Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) who head into the woods in the Appellation Mountains so that they can drink some beers, do some fishing and fix up a worn down cabin to turn it into the holiday home of their dreams.
At the same time a group of preppy college kids are on a camping trip into the same woods also to have a good time. After a couple of run ins with the hillbillies, they assume that they must be your stereotypical inbred manic chainsaw wielding killers right out of Deliverance or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So when one of the kids Allison (Katrina Bowden) is rescued from drowning by the hillbillies, prejudice and paranoia reign supreme with the others mistaking it as her being hauled away in a kidnapping attempt. So they embark on a mission to rescue her from her saviours with hilarious consequences.
Despite the premise of the movie being based on one long running joke of a massive misunderstanding, the story remains fresh and the scenes extremely funny for the majority. I'm not aware of any other movie that has done this type of role reversal with hillbillies in this type of scenario and managed to blend in the right amount of comedy with horror and gore. In fact across all the genres, it is not often that you get to see the perspective of the 'bad guys' (far from it in this film).
The best moments come from the writing as we follow the bickering between Tucker and Dale as a bromance emerges on screen. Both Tudyk (aka Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball) and Labine impress making the characters extremely likeable and charming so that by the end you really do care what happens to them. Bowden plays her part solidly as well and definitely brings some eye candy to the film!
Most of these types of films tend to lose their drama element but this keeps the anticipation and as I said, you end up really caring about what is going to happen to the characters. However, the only major fault that I can pick out is that despite all this, it does begin to fade as a spectacle in the last 15 minutes as they focus a bit too much on the back story and tying up loose ends when what they were doing up to that point was more than enough in my books.
It's usually hard to combine the right amount of comedy and horror without creating a somewhat tacky result so credit must go to the new guy on the block- director and co-writer Eli Craig. If you are looking for a unique comedy horror that has a chance of hitting cult status/topping Shaun of the Dead then you need look no further than this.
The only interesting thing with vampire films these days is trying to work out what kind of vampire your going to get and what rules have been thought up to govern them in the world. The vampires of Priest are actual gruesome monsters with sharp claws and fangs which makes a change from the usual humans with slightly bigger incisors. That being said, they do exist as the human-turned-vampire slaves to their true vampire masters.
Based on Hyung Min-Woo Korean graphic novel, Priest is set in a world where humans and vampires were at war. Realising that they were losing, the humans invested in training up an elite group of warriors who could combat the vampires and turn the battle in their favour. Interesting really since the original comic did not involve vampires but rather fallen angels and daemons hence why the name of this film doesn't completely fit the content.
The church decides that after the war is won they no longer need their crack team of assassins and so fearing what they could do, they are disbanded and sent away to live normal lives with the authorities and society shunning them. (I got the impression this was at least in part attempting to parallel modern day war veterans but it was a theme that was only briefly passed over.) When Priest (Paul Bettany) finds out his family have been attacked by vampires and his niece (Lily Collins) taken, he goes against the word of the church and teams up with his nieces boyfriend Hicks (Cam Gigandet), the local sheriff to get her back.
Then follows some fighting, more CGI and special effects (which as a whole are good) and an attempt to fashion a story out of the situation. I just felt that this movie didn't have much going for it with the acting rather disappointing, the 'scary' parts failing to let my heart racing let alone make me jump from my seat and I began to lose interest half way through- never a good sign. Watch the trailer below and save yourself a trip to the cinema and a few quid.
The film also didn't know what direction it was heading in. By this I mean that it amalgamated a western theme with horror and action and a slight attempt at romance and threw it into a Mad Max post-apocalyptic type world. Maybe this might have worked in the graphic novel where you can imagine a cowboy western world to be more god fearing but it just didn't adapt to the big screen.
Although a didn't see the 3D version the general consensus is that I made the correct choice in opting for the 2D. This is probably down to the fact it was post-converted into 3D rather than shot in 3D and with large parts of the film set in the dark (one guess why), the addition of 3D glasses isn't going to help your viewing experience.
Finally, you like me may be surprised to find that it's only a 12A rating. If I ever saw some of the stuff in this film when I was younger than 12 I wouldn't have slept for weeks but then maybe the kids today are made of harder stuff!
So I was not the biggest fan of this movie and I have a feeling that I will not be the only one. If it wasn't for the cross shaped tattoo across his forehead, I would have had trouble distinguishing Bettany from his role in this and the equally disappointing Legion. One word sums this up and that word is rubbish.
Well you sure are in for a treat today as I bring you the unique Grizzly Rage. This epic follows four students who decide to go on a road trip after recently graduating. They trespass into a gated off park for some off road fun but early into their adventure things start to go wrong as they crash their Jeep into a tree accidentally hitting a bear cub in the process.
Now as we all know grizzly bears tend to stick close by to their cubs and so it is not long before momma bear shows up and starts hunting them down (in your standard bear with a blood vendetta scenario) as they flee the scene of the crime. And just to make it all that better, this is no ordinary bear, O no, but rather a mutated super grizzly bear from all the toxic waste that has been dumped into the lake nearby.
The acting is poor with weak performances not doing much for the script that would have needed some world class Hollywood stars to make me even think about evoking some emotions. The award for the best performance has to go to the bear who most of the time did look genuinely pissed off, as would I if I had to take part in this movie.
I wouldn't say it was a redeeming feature by a long shot but the cinematography isn't half as bad as it could have been (for one of the scenes at least) when compared to what the rest of the movie was offering.
Even better though is the fact that the movie is trying to take itself seriously but fails on every level to do so. Call me cold hearted but I was laughing all the way through the 'horrifying bear scenes' as the graduates were outsmarted again and again. It doesn't take long before you end up siding with the bear and are egging it on to get the next one. I was going to give you the trailer but this is so much better...
Quote from video- "When you see the animal roar, he's smiling. He wants marshmallows" If only our poor students had known!
Whoever thought that a grizzly would make for a good terrifying enemy in a movie certainly didn't think long and hard about it- being a massive and potentially dangerous animal in real life, there is not one point in the entire movie when bear and actor are in the same shot. This leads to some quite appalling and certainly comical scenes where the film makers use obviously fake props, stock footage and shockingly bad blood CGI (I'm talking Playstation 1 standard here) to bring the bear 'to life'. My favourite scene had to be the guy in a bear costume; and you could tell, jumping on their Jeep while they are trapped inside!
Apart from those moments of unintentional comic brilliance I would rather take my chances in the movie along with the bear as then I would one, not have to watch it and two, could hope to be killed off nice and early so I didn't have to ever think about this again. Why not a zero rating you ask? I've seen worse.
15 - 103mins - Fantasy/Horror/Thriller - 29th April 2011
Now if there is one thing that freaks me out most in movies it is horrors that involve children in any way. So when I sat down to watch a movie from the guys and gals that have given us Paranormal Activity revolving around the story of a possessed child, well lets just say I had my diaper at the ready!
Insidious follows a textbook family, the parents- Josh (Patrick Wilson) and Renai (Rose Byrne) that have it all as they move into their new suburban house with their 3 beautiful children. However all is not as it seems as one of their sons, Dalton (Ty Simpkins), after slipping off a ladder while exploring in the attic falls into a coma. Strange things then begin to happen as objects move, mysterious voices are heard and you catch things in the corner of your eye. After this activity drives them from their new home they enlist the help of a paranormal psychic Elise (Lin Shaye) and the horrifying truth becomes evident. It is not the house but Dalton that is haunted!
As with most horror movies, I find they only tend to scare me until I know what I'm up against ie. keep the monster hidden and let the suspense/not knowing get me grabbing for my cushion. This movie was similar in that respect with the majority of the scares coming in the first two thirds before it began to fall away slightly. This was more than enough though and will give you the jumps that you are looking for if you decide to go and see it.
Considering what the trailer gives us, I was quite surprised that it took so long to get to the realisation that it was in fact the boy that was possessed rather than where they were living. It is a good 50 minutes to an hour before this is realised which irked me somewhat.
The inclusion of the two bickering paranormal activity assistants was a well thought out idea as it gave a break from trying to scare you, injecting a bit of comedy into the fray and enabled the audience to be lulled into a more relaxed state so that when the next scare came you were off guard and less than ready for it.
Apart from the scary evil entities, horrors are made or broken by the music or lack thereof that accompanies the suspense and the cinematography. Insidious does not disappoint. The music leads to the creation of an intense tension that stays with you throughout most of the movie and lingers after it finishes and the cinematography is also top notch.
Insidious does serve up moments of actual horror that had me keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary several hours after the film had finished. It is a far cry from James Wan (director) and Leigh Whannell (writer) other collaborations of the Saw series and despite using a tried and tested framework, they made the movie original. It will probably be one of the better horror movies that's released this year but then again, I doubt there will be much competition.
TBC - 100mins - Fantasy/Horror/Mystery - 15th April 2011
I am somewhat disappointed this year by the lack of original content being released with so many new movies being either sequels, comic book characters or as is the case for Red Riding Hood rehashing a concept and putting it on the big screen. Only Cowboys And Aliens (directed by Jon Favreau- Iron Man 1 & 2) and perhaps the highly advertised and hyped Super 8 (J.J.Abrams) look like they are going to give us something new to think about this year and that's a real shame.
This Red Riding Hood is based loosely on the original fable with parallels able to be drawn from it. We have a girl wearing red, a grandmother who lives in the woods and of course a wolf. The girl, Valerie, (Amanda Seyfried) lives in a small village in the mountains that is cursed by the presence of a werewolf. There has long been an understanding between the villagers and the wolf whereby they leave out their best livestock every full moon and in return the wolf does not harm them. However on this particular full moon a girl is found dead and the villagers seek revenge.
A reputable priest (Gary Oldman) who has slain werewolfs before for other villages is called in to try and rid them of their curse. He is ruthless and will stop at nothing to see daemons rid from the Earth. While these events are unfolding there is also a love triangle developing with Valerie. She is engaged to be married to a reputable man (Max Irons) but longs for the tradesman woodcutter (Shiloh Fernandez) who she often goes to visit in the woods.
I wouldn't necessarily class this as an out and out horror, I suppose it can have its moments but apart from some suspense and shadows there isn't a lot to get you jumping out of your boots. If you liked the Twilight saga on screen then I can see you liking this as well with Catherine Hardwicke giving this production a similar feel to that of her previous work. She has also, like Twilight picked relative unknowns to act the main roles- Oldman aside and I'm sure they will be popping up again and again over the next few years.
The most impressive thing about this movie is the set and backgrounds which are beautifully designed, especially the thorny trees that surround the village and 'grandmother's house'. Unfortunately that is the only thing I can think of at the moment that would make me want to see any part of this movie again and that's not enough.
It also becomes quite predictable and despite keeping me thinking for a short while, it's increasingly obvious who the werewolf is by the end.
So in conclusion, I found this to be another below par movie that doesn't offer up any real surprises or intrigue. I would not recommend going out and paying for this and even when it hits the TV's it will not be hard to find something better on.
So from a soon to be released 'blockbuster' to a movie that has most likely slipped under your radar when it was released in December of last year. I give you Catfish [my review]...
Farm
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15 - 82mins - Comedy/Drama/Horror - 10th November 2010
Now here is a strange and weird one for you to get your teeth into. I saw a trailer for this several months back and although I knew this was going to be no high roller, it intrigued me so much that I just had to watch it. Rubber is all about a tyre named Robert. One day Robert who used to be just like and other inanimate tyre comes into existence and starts rolling around the desert where he discovers that he also has telepathic powers enabling him to blow things up with his mind. During the movie he also gains a love interest in the form of Sheila (Roxane Mesquida) and woe betide anyone that gets in his way.
The opening sequence is quite possibly one of the weirdest that I have ever seen from a movie but it introduces us to the main concept that it's based around..... "no reason". This somewhat gives Quentin Dupieux, the director, a free licence to do whatever he wants. A sheriff (Stephen Spinella) directly addresses the viewer breaking the so called fourth wall and throughout we are continuously reminded that we are watching a movie, altering the norm of trying to draw the viewer into the movie experience. Not only this but there is also an audience watching the movie from within the movie via binoculars. (Your just going to have to watch it for this to make more sense.)
I did like the way that Robert was cleverly moved around and would be intrigued to know the techniques that were implemented to make that happen. What with the main 'character' being unable to speak, the score of the movie took precedent for large parts in an attempt to make us feel for Robert and I think a combination of this and the cinematography (including plenty of close-ups and 'tyre-cam' shots) really worked to bring home his character. He also has flashbacks/dreams, gets tired and does normal menial tasks that we do so he becomes rather human in some respects.
Along with the in-movie audience, the sheriff is also hard to work out and it isn't obvious if he knows that he is an actor who wants to finish or if he is just a character who wants the story to end so he can go home. Along with sneaking in other movie references (try and spot the obvious Hitchcock for example) Dupieux (a DJ who gave us this classic) also mocks his own movie where at one point Robert's love interest states- "Who wrote this garbage?" when reading from a script the sheriff had given her.
Add to this some dark comedy and a fair dose of dry wit which gave me a few moments of laughter and it's looking like an even stranger movie. My overall emotions were probably that of confusion and intrigue which drew me through some parts where there was a bit of repetition- i.e. bang goes another head. This leads me onto the gore which was present but if you are expecting a massive blood-fest then I don't think this movie is quite what you are looking for.
This is definitely one you are either going to love or hate and I think I loved it. It is certainly the most original piece of film work that I have seen in a long time with good music, cinematography and that feeling that it's not quite as one dimensional as it wants people to think it is. Yes the plot can drag slightly but anyone who can make a tyre seem interesting in any way has my vote!
Since we are heading into the festive Easter period, I thought I'd treat you to something that should get you in the mood. Hop [my review], an Easter animation, is up next to be reviewed.
Farm
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Død Snø is set in mountains of Norway with the movie acted out in Norweigan. It opens with a woman being chased through the snowy countryside by zombies (to a well chosen jingle if I do say so myself) before being caught and well I'll let you guess the rest. Fast forward a short period in time to where we meet six medical students who have gone on a holiday picking a remote cabin as their choice of location which sets the scene for our stereotypical horror movie.
After larking about in the snow and having fun with skidoos during the days and drinking away their evenings, they are visited by a strange man. He gives them a history lesson of the region and why they should therefore tread carefully so as not to disturb the evil that lies in the mountains which the students take with a pinch of salt. Low and behold after a long build up zombies do indeed arrive on the scene and yep you guessed it, they are Nazis to boot.
With a movie tag of Ein! Zwei! Die! attached to a plot about Nazi zombies this movie does not fail to deliver on what it promises with lots of zombie action and basic horror movie 101 lessons not being learnt- they split up, get just that bit too near the window at the worst possible time etc and many other comparisons that can be drawn from its zombie movie predecessors. Where so many of the older and newer zombie movies have failed though Tommy Wirkola strikes up a very good balance between the humour and horror. Yes at some points it seemed like the producers only had enough money for one prop (intestines) and spent most of their time thinking up evermore elaborate ways to use it but there is always a laugh to be had alongside this.
Although being classed as a horror, you will have to have quite a jumpy personality for this movie to get you cowering behind a cushion. The first half of the movie is more about character banter with most of the laughs written into the script and some suspense but during the second half this turns into gore and more of a slapstick comedy feel develops (think Shawn Of The Dead). For this kind of movie overall the second half tends to work better than the first but only just.
The actors and actresses all do their jobs but there are no outstanding performances amongst them to be worthy of a mention. Where this movie succeeds is in the writing of the script and as mentioned just the right amount of comedy. The zombies don't look half bad either dressed up in their Nazi memorabilia and although they lose some of their scare factor with most of the second half shot in the daylight, I wouldn't want them running at me any time soon!
To sum up then, Død Snø is nothing original in its premises borrowing heavily from similar movies (Evil Dead II, Dead Alive etc) around but it does so in a refreshing way that has some genuinely funny moments. As mentioned, think Shawn Of The Dead but with more gore and ominous surroundings. It's one of the best zombie movies about and it covers a couple of genres to boot. If this is your cup of tea then I strongly recommend you add Dog Soldiers to your watch list too.
15 - 116mins - Drama/Fantasy/Horror - 5th November 2010
Let Me In is a remake of the successful Swedish horror Let The Right One In [2008] and despite not having seen this I am led to believe sticks to the storyline extremely closely. This is not what I would call your typical vampire movie with the vampire taking shape in the form of a 12 year old girl Abby (Chloe Moretz) and not a wooden stake to be seen. If anything it is more of an emotional love story.
We start, as is the growing trend these days at some unspecified point in the future with a man being rushed to hospital finding out along the way that he is the prime suspect in several murders occurring around the sleepy backwater town of Los Alamos, New Mexico. Whilst is left alone in his hospital room he jumps from the window to his death.
Rewind two weeks where we are introduced to Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) a boy who is bullied at school by three of his peers and whose parents are currently going through a divorce leaving him somewhat of an introvert and lacking confidence. The director is clever in that the father is never seen and the mother is only in scenes briefly so we do not get to know her which means we really only get to know Owen and hence share his loneliness. With the arrival of Abby and her father though, he finds happiness in her company and the pair create a friendship that Mortez and Smit-McPhee act out excellently.
Alongside this growing friendship is the more sinister hunt for fresh blood which leads to the disappearance of some locals and the police search that ensues. Where many vampire movies head down the vicious mass murdering group who go around killing for fun this paints the picture of a much more calculated sect who kill to survive and are aware that many killings will lead to too many questions being asked and them eventually being found. It is a means to survive nothing else.
There were some well crafted pieces of cinematography with one scene in particular involving a car crash making up for the poor use of CGI and special effects (that were thankfully infrequent) which would be more in line with a lower budget production.
The background and history of Abby and her father is kept vague for most of the movie which invites the viewer to create their own past for them, suffice to say that we are assume they have been around a long time. This leads to an interesting question that wasn't really answered- if Abby had been around a long time trapped in a 12 year old body surely her mind would have grown up? Yes there is a sense of maturity surrounding her but at the same time she never really shakes off that sense of still actually being an innocent kid. Perhaps this was intentional and shows the innocence of youth prevailing over the evil within. Either way Mortez is fantastic at depicting her character showing us that she has a very bright future in the industry.
When I sat down to watch Let Me In I was not expecting what was served up before me. Luckily though it was a pleasant surprise as the movie gets you hooked at the start and thanks to the great on screen chemistry between Mortez and Smit-McPhee keeps you engaged right up until the credits start rolling. Definitely worth a watch.
